As the experts who are feeling sorry for us have become addicted to giving advice, my woman-mothers and I have already made peace with our boobs sitting on top of our bellies!
As you all know very-well, some of us have been at home for weeks now (of course, that is because we still have the luxury to stay at home!). I realized on the third day of the voluntary lock-down that I put myself in upon my return from France that we were going through a period which was heavily dominated by uncertainty. However, there were still some things that made me feel good about myself. That is, my huge boobs, which were giving in to gravity, were enjoying their freedom in every second of my voluntary quarantine!
Those whose breasts are D-cup or larger, know very well the following list of orations: from “oh, you have such big breasts, I suppose they give you awful backaches!” to “no worries, big breasts are good anyways, they cannot be handled”, from “but, how are you going to wear strapless bikinis! You cannot swim like a fish, your breasts would protrude” –and that really happens sometimes, and we put them back– to “you cannot wear that, they will spirt from the sides” when you want wear a strapless dress at a wedding, from “men like big breasts” –maybe I like women– to “are you going to the market without a bra, but this is inappropriate” when you go to the market to get a pack of cigarettes, from “they are almost here, wear your bra” to “I mean big is fine, but for small breasts you have more sexy bra options” (thankfully, albeit they are not as good as cardi b, the other sultan of hearts, Rihanna, came up with a brand called savage x fenty so that we can also find sexy bras!), etc. Those who are one of us know very well that we look alike! Some make you laugh like Banu Alkan and entertain your soul, others would make you sigh, and utter, silently or out loud, “I swear this guy is an idiot”.
And last week, I came across the words of such a guy. In the newspaper Posta, he made news the statements of Ricardo Fratti who works as an MD (we do not know his field of expertise, but apparently him being an expert is certain info!) in England:
As the breasts are prone to sagging due to gravity and age, he explained that bras are important for preserving support. Not wearing bras can affect your posture and cause ptosis and backache particularly for women with large breasts.
The headline of this news which is found on the health section is as follows: “Experts warn: Continue wearing your bras while at home”. I have made a decision before writing this piece. In order not to censor my own voice I was not going to extensively research this topic and end up getting lost in sentences such as “this expert said this, that expert said that”. First, personal is political, and second, it would have been better if we, “the ones with big boobs”, also speak about the comfort of bras. I left aside Google, “Academia”, “ResearchGate” and turned to Twitter. I saw that Rayka Kumru has tweeted the following question lately: “Which research says that bras prevent breasts from sagging?” (You should also follow Rayka to see what kind of genius answers will be posted!) I am not an expert on this matter, actually I do not think that I am an expert on anything –although the possibility of getting a PhD degree in some fields seems to be appearing on the horizon. However, there is one thing I know from the history of my boobs as well as the history of the big boobs of my family elders: Boobs of the women in my family, whatever we wear, SAG! We have accepted this fact! In time our boobs are turning their faces to where they belong, perhaps because of something on our genes, or who knows, maybe they are inspired by Aristotle. Alas, what can you do! So, our boobs, by their nature, preferred that location.
As the experts who are feeling sorry for us have become addicted to giving advice, my woman-mothers and I have already made peace with our boobs sitting on top of our bellies! I never forget it. My primary school years… I was eight or nine years old. My grandmother, biting her tongue, would take me to the bathroom when I came from school, saying, “Get in the bath immediately, you ain’t fittin’ to roll with a pig”. It was not easy to resist my big-boobed and stubborn grandmother! We would head to the bath thinking that once again we were to watch Power Rangers during reruns. The first time I saw such big and lively boobs in my life was when my grandmother took her clothes off to bathe with me. As she showed me how to cleanse my body, I could not take my eyes off her big boobs. What I understood from Mesrure’s notion of cleaning was that I had to stay under foamy water for hours until I have a crimson body and wrinkled fingers. Of course, in time, we learned that for the future of our planet, we have to use water sparingly.
Let’s get back to boobs… A boob is without a doubt a plump object of desire! Beyond that for me it is where I literally rush to find some peace; and I think I owe this to my grandmothers’ saggy boobs. Whenever tears started to flow for no apparent reason, my grandmother would take us all under her wings and laid us on her breasts. It is no surprise that the song says, “Keep your head on my chest, darling!” I do not remember another place where I felt so safe! I still could not find a place as safe as my grandmothers’ breasts! I couldn’t!
So, what lies behind this sarcastic tone? It is anger! Anger! Hey, male experts, I am not saying that you keep your opinions to yourself! Your right to freedom of expression is abiding; however, once you have thoughtlessly blurted out your opinions, listen to the words of those boobed ones who respond to you, pay attention to their references and read the articles that they hand to you. Stay in touch with the boobed ones so that we could be grateful (What do you think, shall we salute that Ottoman world which they dearly emulate?). For sure, we will continue to write about boobs! Stay tuned!
The Great Boobs from the natives of Boobsland
Translator: İpek Tabur
Proof-reader: Müge Karahan